Not One Of "Them"

 Nine years ago, I landed in Schiphol Airport, the Netherlands half excited (to finally reunite with my father) and half scared to death about what life could be in this alien country. It was a rocky start but I tried doing everything "right." I mastered the G’s and the rolling R’s of the Dutch language.

After 5 years, I handed over my Ghanaian passport for a Dutch one, thinking a piece of paper would be my golden ticket to belonging or acceptance. Yes I was legally Dutch but socially I remained that "African immigrant" not even Ghanaian!

I spent years practicing the art of being invisible. I made myself small, kept my voice quiet, I apologised even when I wasn't wrong, accepted being treated like dirt and tried to fade into the background. I thought if I could at least mirrored the status quo perfectly, try to sound more Dutch, the "otherness" would eventually evaporate.

The Bitter Realization

But here is the truth we were never told about in integration courses: No amount of assimilation can change the way the society sees you.

Whether it was in the classroom years ago or in the office today, I still stick out, like a sore thumb. Maybe it's my complexion, accent or style. While being different is usually something I carry with pride, it becomes a cold, sharp pain when your difference is seen and used as a disadvantage. It hurts when your lived experiences are brushed aside because it doesn't fit the "standard" narrative. 

It stings even more when the systems built to protect "everyone" seem to have a blind spot specifically designed for people like you.

I've experienced this discrimination and racism countless times and each time it was my fault. Either I didn't speak up early or enough or I acted "out of character" for defending myself. I never did right in their eyes.

From Assimilation to Authenticity

I’ve realized that "You’ll never be one of us" is only a weapon if your goal is to be someone else.

By trying to be "one of them," I was burying the most vibrant parts of myself. The Ghanaian warmth and heritage, the resilience of my journey, and the unique perspective I bring aren't flaws—they are my power.

To my fellow immigrants: You might never "fit" the status quo, and it's not your fault, you were just not meant to shrink to fit inside it anyways. We don't owe the world our disappearance or invisibility but rather we owe ourselves our true presence.

As for me, I am done being small. I am done being quiet, I am done trying to fit in. I am done thinking "I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH"!

I am Ghanaian by blood, Dutch on paper, and I am here—visible, different, and finally, home within myself.

Share your thoughts and experience in the comments!